The Power of Saying "No". Empowerment Through Perimenopause
I spoke to a woman today,
Ms. Cambridge.
She gave me coffee -
Poured it when it hot,
Warmed it when cold.
We talked about her children - 25, 19, and 12,
Two natural births, the last a C-section.
Twelve years ago, she decided to tie her tubes after the C-section.
When she made that decision, the doctors told her that she needed the man in her life’s consent.
She said, “Excuse me!”.
Drawing the Line: A Moment of Clarity
Now let’s step back for a moment. Anybody who knows anything about Trinbagonian culture will recognise that when a woman pulls her chin back, tilts her head, and lowers her eyelids in synchrony with the words ‘excuse me',’ a line has just been drawn.
And it’s true. Ms. Cambridge drew a line.
A line around her body, marking it as her domain.
“I decide,” she declared.
That moment was one of pure clarity and pure dominion for Ms. Cambridge. She had to reinforce her words as many times as it took for the doctors to bring the papers and have her sign her consent for a course of action over her own body.
A Journey of Perimenopause: Learning to Say "No"
We got to this story after sharing our experiences of pregnancy - circling inward to deeper truths. You see, both of us have stepped onto the path of perimenopause, and we were sharing what we’ve learned along the way. It occurred to us that, as younger women, we ran toward the joys of pregnancy, unaware of what would come afterward. That time of life, celebrated as some of the sweetest, now feels distant.
Now, we had found ourselves on the path of perimenopause, equally unaware of what was to come next. But this time, with the world telling us that it carries a less sweet flavour.
It’s true that the perimenopausal journey comes with radical shifts and setbacks. Physically, as our hormonal chemistry evolves, we deal with ailments and complications - things like hot flashes, brain fog, mood swings, joint pain, memory issues and disrupted sleep. But it also comes with radical shifts in our mind and spirit. Shifts that are forced out of necessity, as we weather the changes in our bodies. The two are integrally linked, like the tides that pull us in and push us back out.
A New Approach to Life: Saying "No"
Inspired by Ms. Cambridge’s unwavering tenacity to say no all those years ago, I was struck by a deeper realisation: saying “No” has become something I now have a conscious, new relationship with - something I’ve not truly embodied before. In the past, I lived under a cloud of “shoulds,” where I felt pressured to behave a certain way, as though my own needs and desires were secondary. I have been guilty of operating in a space of scarcity - convinced that my wants were somehow unworthy, that I had to exist in a place of constant longing and compromise.
But now, the game has changed. I am speaking up for myself, unapologetically, because I’ve learned that no one else will protect my peace like I can. No one else can give me the stillness I crave if I don’t create it for myself.
And full transparency - if I indulge in that one shot of Café Patron and wildout with my tribe today… my hormones will have an early morning rave, I’ll lose a night of sleep, and I’ll be crying on the beach tomorrow… true story. So, NO thanks... talk done!
The Stories of Other Women: The Power of "No"
“"No" is a full sentence.” - M
I asked some more women in my circle about their perimenopausal relationship with ‘No’, and here’s what they said:
“I think it started before pmp but it's more prevalent now because it's almost like I can't bring myself to ignore the urge to remove myself from anything and anyone that does not feel good. I don't know if it's a balancing of the scales in a way , meaning this is a self preservation of sorts ...conserving energy and time to allow for the other changes I am going through. But...it feels good and has shown me how much I used to do just out of obligation or expectations that do not serve me.” - M
“To be honest, saying ‘No’ or being authentic in the way I feel or what I’ve been doing all of life, has been the same. I believe most of my life I’ve ‘rowed my own boat’ with very little influence from what people think or will think about my choices. I never really cared about that or let ‘the noise’ affect me. So perhaps ‘No’ has become more defined in terms of what I value more and how I continue to steer my own boat.” - J
“I think we’ve talked before about perimenopause being a kind of reckoning, that anything in your life you’ve not dealt with will come back with a vengeance. Mine has been pain, physical pain, which has led me to a journey of going inwards to find the cause, pain that I’ve not addressed in the past and stowed away. The journey continues :) but I’m on the path, and I’d describe it as coming home to myself. An important part of the path is about identifying my wants and needs, and with that has come boundaries and saying no. So saying no is one part of a bigger journey, if that makes sense?” - MJJ
What Does "No" Mean to You?
To say “No” now, in this season of life, feels like drawing a map to the places I never knew I had permission to go. It’s the soft rebellion that asks me to trust myself more than I trust the outside world.
We’ve spent so much of our lives giving. Giving to family, to partners, to society’s standards. But as we grow, we begin to realise: we must give to ourselves, too. Not out of greed, but out of necessity. Saying “No” is about making space for our own lives, for the lives we are creating for ourselves, for the futures we deserve.
And, perhaps most importantly, “No” is the response that invites us to take back our time, our bodies, our stories, and our voices. And it’s the most freeing thing we can do.
A Time for Transformation: Embracing the Power of "No"
As I stand beyond the precipice of perimenopause, I celebrate the women who are teaching me the art of this quiet yet powerful act. Learning when to say “No” when I need to, without guilt or apology. I can will and do say no when that’s my truth. Something I wouldn’t, I didn’t do with conviction in the past. But now - I say no in all kinds of ways - with conviction, with silence, with a look, with amusement… all kinds of ways. Because sometimes, saying “No” is the best way to honour the woman I have been, and the women I am becoming.
“But now - I say no in all kinds of ways - with conviction, with silence, with a look, with amusement… all kinds of ways.”
“No” to one thing means saying “Yes” to something else. Reclaiming peace is at the heart of it. It’s not just about refusing what doesn’t serve us - it’s about carving out the quiet spaces where we can breathe, feel, and restore ourselves.
Saying "Yes": What Are You Embracing?
Saying ‘Yes’ to myself now feels like reclaiming everything I’ve sacrificed in the past. It’s a promise to honour my own journey and to never forget the value of my own peace. Here’s what my circle is saying “Yes” to:
“Peace… peace of mind, peace of spirit, reclamation of time to do whatever I want to do at the time… rest.” - M
“Yes to ‘I don’t give a F!’ Yes to living my life my way… ❤️❤️. Noise is our distraction and I’m glad I’ve learned how to live around it, and I’m doing it.” - J
“Space and time to be more me, whatever that looks like.” - MJJ
A Special Note:
Thank you Ms Cambridge.
And thank you To all of the men, and the people, (with/without wombs), who support us in our “No’s” and our “Yes’s.”
Thank you.
You are a crucial part of this journey, walking beside us, not in opposition, but in partnership. You remind us that we are seen, we are heard, and we are loved, no matter the space we carve for ourselves.
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What does saying ‘No’ look like for you? How have you reclaimed your power and your peace? Share your story in the comments or join the conversation on Instagram @nmhypnotherapy. Let's continue to support each other on this journey.
